1. Avoid resentment.
Don’t stand in the way of what your children want once they become adults. You have spent their whole lives loving and supporting them. Don’t stop now. They will need you now more than ever. Deciding to search for birth family is not easy. If you are unapproving, they may wait until it’s too late. In these situations, time is and always will be the enemy. If they search and their birth parents have already passed or they come down with an illness that could have been prevented, they may never forgive you. Your selfishness or fear may cause them to resent you forever.
2. Don’t force your children to carry guilt.
If you’re not supportive of your children’s searches, you will cause them to carry guilt around with them, which is an unfair burden. You may be scared you will lose them, but that’s not the way it works. They are not replacing you. They are adding pieces of history to their lives and answering questions they’ve always had. In fact, your lack of support may cause so much guilt that they may wait to search until after you have passed. Then the chances are great that their birth parents may have passed as well.
3. Don’t keep them from possible siblings.
No matter how you feel about children meeting their birth parents, most adoptees end up having biological siblings they want to have a relationship with. It’s not always the case, but often birth siblings have similar personalities and interests and really enjoy each other’s company. Both sides usually want to play a role as aunts and uncles to each other’s children. That can also quickly cure the adoptee not knowing anyone who looks like them. Adoptees should not be denied the opportunity to have a relationship with siblings based on decisions made for them many years ago.
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