Your Emotional Toolkit For Successfully Navigating a Search and Reunion

Before embarking on any new emotional journey, it is important to take a personal inventory. You should consider what expectations you have and where you stand emotionally. There are steps that you can take to promote a successful search and reunion.

Be Ready

It took years for me to reach this step. I had always been curious about who I looked like and what happened to my family. That curiosity grew after I had kids. I wanted to know the whole reason behind why I was placed for adoption. I thought there was no way I had enough information to find anyone. I assumed that no one was looking for me because my info had been on all of the registries online for years. I finally reconciled with myself that I had a right to search for my bio family. You also have that right. You absolutely have the right to know where you came from. You have the right to know your medical history. It took me years to stop worrying about the possibility of disrupting someone else’s life and focus on what was right for me. Work out your issues and be ready to search. When you’re ready, you’ll know.

Be Willing

You have to be willing to do what it takes. You have to put yourself out there. You will feel vulnerable, but that’s OK. It’s part of the process. I had to be willing to take a DNA test. Then I had to admit to myself that I was in over my head with the results and seek help. Once my search angel found my family, I had to be willing to make contact. If you are not ready to do that, you are wasting the energy you have invested. You can’t find all of your answers without making this move. I had to email several different addresses that we found for my birth mom. I got anxious and impatient not knowing if she had received any of them. My search angel and I decided that she would place a call to my paternal grandmother. It was a great first step. You have to be willing to go for it.

Be Prepared

When you get to this point, you have to be prepared for anything. There is an endless list of possible scenarios you may have to face. No matter what you find out you must remain strong. Remember who you are as a person. None of the info you discover defines you. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Before we made contact I had to be emotionally prepared to be rejected by my family. I knew that was a possibility, so I prepared a list of things I wanted to say and questions I wanted to ask. You might only get one shot.

Prepare to be shocked. I found out that my biological dad had died three days before I found them. I found out that my parents had gotten married four months after I was placed for adoption. They went on to have two more children before getting a divorce several years later. I ended up with two full sisters and two half sisters. My emotions were all over the place. I was sad, angry, and confused. I realized though, that all of that happened a long time ago. My father’s death solidified how short life is and that we need to make the most of it.

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How I Bonded With My Adoptive Parents

My dad had always wanted a boy to carry on the family name. He loved fishing, hunting and sports. I was admittedly a tomboy. I loved jeans and t-shirts and climbing trees. Dad started calling me Billy any time we participated in boy activities. If I handed him tools while he worked on the car, I was Billy. When we watched Nascar races on Sunday, I was Billy. When he was baiting my hook, I was Billy. I always acted like it annoyed me, but secretly I loved it.

The bond a child has for a parent doesn’t occur with a flash of light or confetti falling from the sky.

One morning when I was 8, my dad woke me up to go fishing at 4 am. It was still dark outside. He drove me to the next town over to fish at my uncle’s pond. As we sat on the bank waiting for the fish to bite, I noticed a water moccasin at the far end of the pond. It swam back and forth on the backside, and I took pictures of it with my disposable camera. We had caught a few catfish before I noticed that I had lost track of the snake. My dad leaned over the four-foot drop-off to see if it had come over by us. Just then, the moccasin lunged straight up out of the water at his face! Dad fell backwards just in time not to get bitten, but the expression on his face made me laugh so hard I cried.

In 1992 I was 10 years old. Batman Returns had been released in theaters, and it was awesome! My cousin and I were close in age and spent most of our free time together. My mom had always made my costumes for Halloween. They looked better than the store bought ones. They were more original and better quality. That year when she asked us what we wanted to be there was no hesitation…Batman and Catwoman. I had been a baby, a nurse, a cat, but boy, that year was going to be special. I watched as my mother measured, pinned and cut the vinyl fabric. She transformed it into the coolest, most amazing costume I had ever seen. I looked like I had just stepped off the movie set, and I felt like a million bucks.

READ FULL ARTICLE: https://adoption.com/how-i-bonded-with-my-adoptive-parents

Hello

I am a wife, mother of two crazy boys, freelance writer, and Staff Storyteller for Adoption.com. I believe in an adoptee's right to have his or her original birth certificate. I was in a closed adoption in 1982 in Florida. I was raised with two adopted sisters. I used Ancestry DNA to find my biological family.

Over the last several years I have seen many articles describing adoptees as victims. Undoubtedly, there are cases of abuse. However, I wholly disagree that the separation of a mother from a baby does lifelong damage. I hope my writing can shed light on the other side of adoption.

This will be a place for me to store all the articles I have written. I'll touch on the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'll also share thoughts on various topics from an adoptee's perspective. Feel free to look around.