Thursday, August 31, 2017

"Oh, I'm sorry."

Most adoptees have heard the phrase, "Oh, I'm sorry" at one point or another. I heard it a lot more as a child than I have as an adult. I'm not sure if that's because people are more cautious of what they say to one another now or if it's because so many more people are affected by adoption. My knee-jerk reaction to that has always been, "I'm not." I'm not sorry that I was adopted. I'm not sorry that I grew up where I did. I'm not sorry for the parents who raised me. I'm not sorry for my adopted siblings. I don't regret those things, nor would I change them.

Maybe when people hear the word adoption they picture an infant abandoned outside of a hospital. Maybe people associate adoption with a child who had bounced around from home to home in foster care. Those may be the stories of some adoptees, but those aren't my story.

Read FULL BLOG POST: https://adoption.com/blogs/5913/oh-im-sorry/

How You Can Access Your Original Birth Certificate In Your State

Adoptees are fighting all over the country to obtain their original birth certificates. When a child is adopted, his or her original birth record is removed from public record and replaced with an amended version with the adoptive parents names listed. Most states are reluctant to hand over the original as it breaks the confidentiality of closed adoption cases. The truth is that anonymity was never guaranteed to birth parents from the state. And with the growing popularity of DNA testing by adoptees, birth parents are being located without it. Here are the laws for accessing original birth certificates in your state as of August 2017:
ALABAMA:
Available to adoptees over 19.
A birth parent may submit a contact preference form to accompany the document.
ALASKA:
Available to adoptees over 18.
An adoptee or birth parent may submit changes of name or address to be attached to the original birth certificate.
ARIZONA:
Available to adoption triad by court order and only accessible to certified confidential intermediary.
ARKANSAS:
Available to adoptees over 21 after August 1, 2018
Certificates are subject to redaction.
CALIFORNIA:
Available by court order; available through the Mutual Consent Program.
COLORADO:
Available to adoptees over 18, adoptive parents of minor adoptees, sibling/half-sibling, birth parents, and legal representation.
CONNECTICUT:
Available to adoptees 18 years old, the adoptee’s adult child or grandchild, and if the adoption was finalized on or after October 1, 1983.
DELAWARE:
Available to adoptees age 21 or older if no denial was filed by birth parents. 
FLORIDA:
Available by court order only.
Read FULL ARTICLE: http://adoption.com/original-birth-certificate-in-your-state

DNA Is Becoming A Common & Effective Tool For Search and Reunion

Every day more and more adoptees are using DNA to find birth families. There are three types of testing available that may help. You can do a mitochondrial test for your direct maternal line, a Y-line for your direct paternal line (for males only), and an autosomal to reveal ethnic mix and find cousin matches. There are a few major companies that do DNA testing. Most adoptees use autosomal testing with good results. 23andMe does all three tests. Their company is known for specificity and medical information. Even if you are not looking to connect with family, adoptees can benefit from the medical aspect. The results are not diagnostic, but they do show genetic markers for certain health risks. Ancestry DNA is believed to have the largest database for establishing matches.
There is some healthy debate over which company to test with and where to transfer results to. Different people will have different preferences. If you can afford it, take all the tests. You will end up with the most information and the best possible matches. For many people, that is not an option. From all of the adoption circles I’m part of, it is widely believed that the best course of action for an adoptee is to take the Ancestry DNA test, and then upload the raw data to GEDmatch. GEDmatch accepts DNA from three leading testing sites, so doing so can result in more matches. It is a free service mainly focused on genealogy. This is the most cost efficient, and you can always take a different test later if you aren’t happy with your results.
Before you test, there are things you can be doing to further your search. Check your state laws to see if you have access to your original birth certificate. A handful of states have changed their laws so adoptees can obtain their birth information. If you live in one of those states, you may not need to go any further. Next, put your info on all the top adoption registries. You’ll want to use Reunion Registry, ISRR.org, and your state’s adoption registry. Then you need to get your non-identifying information, if you don’t have it already, from the agency or state who handled your adoption. Non-id info will include general information about your parents and sometimes your grandparents. There should be a physical description, approximate age, educational background, etc.
Up until about two years ago I thought that in order to find someone using DNA, that specific person had to have tested. Thankfully, that isn’t the case. Once you submit the test, it takes several weeks to process. When your test is finished, you will receive a list of matches. You want to look at close cousin matches, usually first and second cousin. The test measures how many centimorgans you share with someone per a number of DNA segments. Based on that, the test predicts a relationship. While it is possible to have a parent/child match right out of the gate, that is usually not the case. You will need to explore the public family trees of your closest matches. You can compare your non-id info with the people on those trees that fit into the time frame around your birth. You can use birth and death records, as well as property records and background checks, to fill in your family tree and provide contact info for relatives. Even if your matches are more distant, you still may have the info you need.
Read FULL ARTICLE: http://adoption.com/dna-search-reunion

3 Ways My Life Would Have Been Different With An Open Adoption

In 2016 I found my biological family. I found two full sisters and two half sisters. My father had just passed away. Open adoption wasn’t much of a thing the year I was born, so in 1982 I was placed with a couple in a closed adoption. They had already adopted one girl and went on to adopt another several years later. Looking back on my life, there are three main reasons why I wish I had an open adoption.
1. I would have grown up with my sisters.
I am very happy and grateful to have them in my life now. When I was spending time with them, they shared many photos with me that had been taken over the last few decades. When I looked at the pictures, they kind of made me sad. I didn’t just see my sisters in them; I saw that I wasn’t in them. I was missing. I wasn’t in the life I was meant to have. I should have seen those places with them and had those experiences with them. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good childhood. I grew up with siblings. I just didn’t grow up with all of them. I wouldn’t trade one life for another, but it would have been nice to grow up with access to my whole family, adoptive and biological.
2. I would have met my birth father.
By the time I found them, it was too late. I carry a lot of pain and regret that I never got to meet him. There is no way to get that time back. There is no way to know what type of relationship we would have had, but if my adoption had been open I would have at least known him. Maybe he would have been at my wedding. Maybe he would have met my kids when they were born. I was able to learn about my dad from my sisters, and they allowed me to participate in his memorial. I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for that. I just wish I had known him all along.
Read FULL ARTICLE: http://adoption.com/life-different-open-adoption