A White Sibling's Perspective on Transracial Adoption Part 2

In transracial adoption, you need to educate yourself on any differences between your own culture – and the culture of the child you’re adopting. You need to take care of your child in the same way that a person from their own race would. It’s not only a necessary part of who they are, but in some cases can also spare the child from ridicule.

My little sister is part Caucasian, part African American, and part Hispanic. When she was adopted into our white family she was treated exactly like the rest of us, to a fault. She had the most beautiful tight little curls in her hair which stuck straight up and out and all about. As she grew to be school-aged, I couldn’t understand why my mom wasn’t doing anything to tame it. She used the same hair products on my sister as she did on us, but they seemed to dry out her hair and cause frizz. Looking back as I write this, it occurs to me that she never once braided my sister’s hair, although I remember her frequently French braiding mine.
At the time my parents were unaware of her Hispanic heritage and they had no close African American friends. There was no internet back then for them to research with. So year after year they treated her the same as they treated us. Kids at school started to make fun of her and tease her about her appearance. In addition to her wild hair, her skin was often ashy. Once in a while someone would reach out to my mother with tips or suggestions. She would use the advice for a few days and get good results, but she would quickly slip back into old habits. My guess is that it just wasn’t that important to her; otherwise, she would have made it a priority.

READ FULL ARTICLE: https://adoption.com/a-white-siblings-perspective-on-transracial-adoption-part-2

Don't Blame Adoption: Maybe It's Just Bad Parenting

I have spent over 15 years on adoption forums and in adoption groups and communities. There seems to be a recurring theme that is disturbing to me. I often wonder if I’m the only one who sees it. Some adoptees are blaming the negative things in their life on adoption while the examples they cite aren’t really adoption related at all. They complain about the many ways their parents weren’t good to them growing up. I’m not talking about those who experienced emotional or physical abuse. These complaints are just everyday rotten parent issues. Sometimes parents, adoptive and biological, just suck at being parents.

I get it. I was adopted. I no longer speak to either of my adoptive parents. They were not very good at being parents, especially not in the later years. That doesn’t have anything to do with my adoption though. Being a parent is difficult, and it doesn’t come with a set of instructions. I’m sure if it did, there would still be plenty of people who were bad at it. One problem is that a person doesn’t know whether they will make a good parent until they are one. By that point, it’s too late. That’s not the fault of adoption. That’s just life. Here are some examples I have seen blamed on adoption, but were actually just bad parenting.

1. My parents didn’t pay enough attention to me.

There are many causes of this. Parents can spend too much time working. They can become too involved in each other or themselves. Some parents just do not have what it takes to be a nurturing person. Others feel like as long as they are providing, they don’t have to do anything else.

READ FULL ARTICLE: https://adoption.com/dont-blame-adoption-maybe-its-just-bad-parenting

The Ups and Downs of Finding Your Biological Family

All adoptees have a different story to tell. What may be true for one may be different for another. In my story, the ups greatly outweigh the downs. Still though, there are a certain amount of challenges involved in merging an adoptive family with a biological one. Unfortunately, there is no clear set of instructions to follow. You just have to do the best you can.

There are sure to be some ups and downs after finding your birth family. They will vary based on your story. I have been in reunion for a year and a half. Here are my ups, which may seem trivial to those who aren’t adopted:

I know my back story.

For many adoptees, their stories began at the hospital where they were born. That leaves a lifetime of speculation about what took place before that. For most adoptees, finding their birth parents gives them the details they need to understand what led them to that hospital to be adopted in the first place.

I have my medical history.

Adoptees often have medical history that is seriously lacking pertinent information. A lot can change in a family’s health over a couple of decades. It puts my mind at ease, especially when it comes to my kids, to know what runs in our family. Early detection is so important when it comes to the diagnosis and treatment of an illness.

READ FULL ARTICLE: https://adoption.com/the-ups-and-downs-of-finding-your-biological-family

A White Sibling's Perspective on Transracial Adoption Part 1

Transracial adoption isn’t just adopting a child with a different skin tone than yours. There is a lot more to it than that, or at least there should be. When I was 11 years old, my parents decided to adopt a baby. My older sister and I were adopted, and my parents were getting older. They really wanted another child and decided to specify the sex of the baby this time around. They wanted a son to carry on the family name.

I remember sitting inside the adoption agency while my parents discussed the details. When they were asked about race they said they had no preference. The lady told them that she thought she had the perfect fit. She said she had a baby available with a white mother and a black father. She said the couple already had a couple of kids and couldn’t really afford to have any more. My mother was briefly handed a photo of the birth mother, an image that would be burned into my head forever. An ultrasound had already shown the child to be a boy. My parents agreed that was the child they wanted.
The issues of race started right there in that office before my sister was even born. The adoption agency got it wrong. My parents were told her father was black, but that wasn’t entirely accurate. Her birth father was actually half African-American and half Hispanic, a fact she didn’t learn until she was an adult. It’s important for adoptees to know their own ethnicity. The accuracy of that information should have been a priority.
At the hospital the day the baby was born, the ultrasound was proven wrong. The agency gave my parents the option to go with a different child, one who was a boy. They refused, adamant that she was the child they were supposed to have. She was the most beautiful baby any of us had ever seen. I loved her immediately. My parents took her home and spoiled her completely. She had all of the nicest things, and between the four of us she was hardly ever put down.

READ FULL ARTICLE: https://adoption.com/allow-your-child-to-be-their-own-race