In 2016 I found my biological family. I found two full sisters and two half sisters. My father had just passed away. Open adoption wasn’t much of a thing the year I was born, so in 1982 I was placed with a couple in a closed adoption. They had already adopted one girl and went on to adopt another several years later. Looking back on my life, there are three main reasons why I wish I had an open adoption.
1. I would have grown up with my sisters.
I am very happy and grateful to have them in my life now. When I was spending time with them, they shared many photos with me that had been taken over the last few decades. When I looked at the pictures, they kind of made me sad. I didn’t just see my sisters in them; I saw that I wasn’t in them. I was missing. I wasn’t in the life I was meant to have. I should have seen those places with them and had those experiences with them. Don’t get me wrong, I had a good childhood. I grew up with siblings. I just didn’t grow up with all of them. I wouldn’t trade one life for another, but it would have been nice to grow up with access to my whole family, adoptive and biological.
2. I would have met my birth father.
By the time I found them, it was too late. I carry a lot of pain and regret that I never got to meet him. There is no way to get that time back. There is no way to know what type of relationship we would have had, but if my adoption had been open I would have at least known him. Maybe he would have been at my wedding. Maybe he would have met my kids when they were born. I was able to learn about my dad from my sisters, and they allowed me to participate in his memorial. I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for that. I just wish I had known him all along.
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