All adoptee reunions carry emotional weight. Unfortunately not all reunions end in happy tears and warm embraces like on TV. Every adoptee situation is unique. For every happy ending, there is one that is not so lucky. Helping someone through that experience can be difficult and should be handled with care.
When you hear the term “failed reunion,” most often you think of a family member who was found, but did not want to be found. That is a complete rejection of communication. Well there are many other types of failed reunions as well. Sometimes a parent is excited about the reunion and then after a few meetings, decides to discontinue contact. In some cases, the parent is happy to be found, but doesn’t want to tell the spouse or other children. The relationship is forced to continue for weeks, months, or even years before the parent halts all contact without an explanation.
No matter what experience happens, failed reunions can be quite devastating. For an adoptee, it can bring about feelings of abandonment. They can be made to feel like they are being rejected for a second time. Sometimes those emotions can spiral out of control, and it can be good for them to have a friend to lean on. I don’t pretend to know why people do the things that they do. I know it can be quite a shock to have someone show up out of the blue after many years. I also know there are two sides to every story. I’ve heard more than one tale of an adoptee being too eager and moving too fast, too soon and not respecting boundaries. However the story gets to that point, there are ways to heal.
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