I have known I was adopted for as long as I can remember. It wasn’t something that was announced one day. It was something my parents always talked about freely. I lived a happy life and was raised by a loving family. I was often curious about what had happened to my biological family. I wondered why they didn’t keep me. I wanted to know who in the family I looked like.
Most adoptees spend time thinking of what was or what could have been. A large number of them decide to search for their birth parents. Initiating that search is in no way a slight on the adoptive parents. It just means you want to know more about your story.
Once you have found your birth parents your mind will race and questions will abound. The details you hope for will seem endless. It can be very overwhelming at first. But there are really only three questions you need to focus on in the beginning.
Being in reunion is very much like cultivating a brand new friendship. You may have more questions than that, but they really don’t need to be tackled all at once. The rest can be answered over time. Here are the three questions you should focus on during your first communication.
1. Why did you place me for adoption?
This question has most likely been with you the longest. Birth parents make that choice for many different reasons. The most common are due to age, financial status, or lack of a support system. Be open-minded. We are living in a much different time now than when you were born. You may not necessarily agree with or understand the decision that they made. That’s okay, you don’t have to. If you want to develop a relationship with your birth parents, you will have to be able to accept it.
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