Please Don't Make Me Feel Guilty For Wanting Contact With My Bio Family

Dear Mom and Dad,

I love you more than words could ever say. I am thankful and grateful for the life you gave me. It must take a lot to raise another person’s child as your own. I never, not even for one second, felt as though I didn’t belong to you. You were, are, and always will be my mom and dad. While I was growing up, the subject of my biological parents came up more than once. I always told you that I didn’t have any interest in finding them. I was telling the absolute truth.

After Jordan was born, I was told over and over again how much he looked like his daddy. I heard it from family, from friends, from total strangers. I wanted so much for someone to look like me. Over the next few years I allowed myself to wonder where I had come from. As a mother, I worried about the health of my child. What if some chronic illness had come about in the family since I was born. Was there something I needed to be watching for, testing for? What if by some freak chance he needed a donor match from someone on my biological side? I would never forgive myself if something like that came up and I wasn’t prepared.

My thoughts ran wild about what might have become of my family. Certainly their lives had changed over the last 30 years. Would it be possible to find them and see pictures without making contact? I didn’t need to talk to them. Seeing would be enough. I guessed my sheer curiosity was not enough. Who was I to poke around and risk disrupting their lives?

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